my little leftie.

lane's a leftie all the way. some of his leftie personality traits come from the fact that he's left handed, and he's just wired to work that way. other traits come genetically. his papa's a number lover. a thinker. an organizer. a practical type of person.

i know these things, and there's some things about lane that will always be no matter how much time he spends with me.

when his friends started drawing those little stick people that little people draw, and all mamas must love, i waited for lane's to arrive. i couldn't wait to hang them all over my home and put them away in his baby book.

months passed, and as many times as i drew his friends, with appropriate hair, outfits and something symbolizing who each was, lane kept on drawing his favorite thing to draw: maps.

he draws maps indicating intricate (in his mind) roads, maps of dixie speedway, maps of monster jam tracks and maps of the zoo, gardens and some of the other places we visit. he always very patiently, and enthusiastically, explains each map to me.

and as much as i hate maps and can't read one to save my life, i'm awfully proud of those maps.

this map, the one above, is now proudly hanging in lane's room. i'm not sure what kind of map it is, but when he was done drawing it, he pointed to the bottom corner and told me, "see, mama, see this person."

i did, and my heart skipped a beat. his first stick figure.

he then went on to tell me, "mama, this person is in the bottom of my map because he's telling everyone where to go."

lane certainly is my little leftie.

he comes by it honest.

just the two of us.

i love spending my days with both of my boys. however, sometimes, it is nice to get some one-on-one time with each of them. especially evan, who seems to get the short end of the stick when it comes to alone time with mama. most of the time, when it is just the two of us, we are busy running errands, cleaning the house or doing one of the chores that is much easier to get done when i'm with just one child.

lucky for me, evan has my go-with-the-flow, have fun no matter what we're doing kind of personality. i can't always take him for frozen yogurt dates or to the playground to hang with just me, but when it is just the two of us, we are usually having fun.

even when we have to make a quick target run to pick up sunscreen, toilet paper and almond milk.

if i haven't told ya'all about a million times already, i just love this baby. he's so stinkin' cool.

lovely little life.

last weekend, james took the boys to the grocery store to pick up some breakfast items. that morning, i realized why they always behave so well for him at the store: they go right to the junk food and buy all the sugary, mama-never-lets-us get cereals. they came home and ate lucky charms for a week worth of mornings. now, it is back to cheerios and fruit for breakfast.

i'm a mean, mean mama.

we missed mother's day with my mom this year, so a week later, we met her at the botanical gardens. we could not have asked for a better day. the lilly pond was in full bloom and full of goldfish, bullfrogs and tadpoles. the whole place was full of puffy hydrangeas, and lane even stopped for a second to kiss me among my favorite flowers. evan played in the splash pad for the first time and loved it. and, as always, lane insisted we stop for a quick photo with the thinking frog before leaving.

most of the time, evan looks so much like james to me. lately, however, people have been stopping me when we are out and commenting on facebook about how he looks like me. i couldn't quite figure it out. then i saw these two photos at the same time and came to the conclusion that he only looks like me when he's eating. must be something about those chubby cheeks and squinted eyes: my two least favorite features on myself. funny, i think they are just charming on him.

a dream come true.

i imagine, for a little boy, it must be hard to drift in to dreams when a bulldozer is in your own front yard. so i let evan stay up a little past his normal nap time to stare out the window.

every once in a while dreams do come true.

i don't know how to stop them.

for some reason, my boys want to grow up a little too fast for my liking.

lane's new favorite question, which he asks multiple times a day, is when i am four can i do ..... . he already insists on showering alone, being the line leader, opening the car door on his side, and going into (safe) public restrooms by himself.

whenever he asks for something a little out of his grasp, and i tell him no, he will once again ask, "well, when i am four can i .....? yes, i remind him. but lets just stay three awhile. then i'll tell him that he's growing up way too fast. and he will respond with, "you just don't know how to stop me."

it is the truth. i don't.

i've been putting all my baby eggs in evan's basket for the past 17 months. if lane insists on growing, well, at least i have another baby to love on. except, now that he's toddling, instead of being a baby, evan's insisting on growing up too.

he's given up the high chair. he insists on drinking out of open cups. he copies his brother in the potty by standing in front of the toilet and pulling up his shirt so he can "go" too.  he even bullied his way into gym class.


at first glance, i looked at that top photo of evan watching lane at gym class monday morning and thought it was lane. it reminded me of a picture i'd taken of him a few weeks before.

then i realized it was evan. lane's hair cut is just a tad different.

my boys just keep growing up. and i don't know how to stop them.

a girl's best friend.

a few weeks ago, i rushed upstairs during the boys' naptime to find a good book to read. i grabbed one of  off the shelf. situated on my side of the bed, with my dark chocolate m&m's and a glass of san pellegrino by my side, i was ready to get lost in one of my favorite books. the red tent.

for some reason, i had been thinking about that book all day long - even though it had been 10 years since i last read it. propped up on my pillows, i had two full hours with nothing to do but read.

as i always do when i first start a book, i opened it to the very first page. there, on the top left corner were two tiny initials inked in shaky handwriting. even though they were not penned in her usual fancy, well thought-out script, i knew just who wrote them there.

my best friend.

more than nine years ago, just weeks before she passed away, i let my mommom, my dad's mom, helen, borrow my book. i knew she would love it because i loved it. almost all of our interests were the same: novels, music, art, clothing, movies, food and magazines.

we both loved to get dressed up and eat at the beach. or to wear our floppy sunhats and ride in my convertible to mcdonalds for a cheap hot fudge sundae. we loved to stay up late talking and get up early to start our day with quiet reflection time.

before she passed, she promised she would always be with me, and that i would always have her by my side whenever i needed her. not a day goes by that i don't miss her. however, she was right. whenever i have needed her, i've always felt she was there.

that afternoon, she must have needed me. instead of reading my book, i spent two hours thinking of her. remembering our times together. smiling as i thought about her. i like to think sending me to that book was her way of sending me her love.

for a few days after that afternoon, i couldn't shake the feeling that something just wasn't right. i felt like something was missing. then it came to me: my necklace. the diamond i've worn around my neck since helen passed. the same diamond she wore around her neck for more than 20 years.

late last summer, evan yanked on the chain, and i watched my necklace slide off my neck into a bouncy house. i panicked. the thought of losing my necklace frightened me. instead of getting it fixed, i put it away, safe from little baby hands.

two weeks ago, i took my necklace in to be fixed, and i've been wearing it around my neck ever since. every time i see it flash in a mirror, i smile.

diamonds are, after all, a girl's best friend. 

having mine around my neck is kind of like having my best friend close to my heart.

life with lane.

"mama", he said so sweetly the other morning.

"yes lane," i replied. ready to answer one of his many questions.

"is this my right foot," he asked as he put on his flip flop.

"it sure is," i assured him.

"is this my left foot," he continued.

"that's correct," is said so proudly.

"then where is my straight foot," he said with a concerned look on his face.

"your straight foot," i asked confused.

"you know," he went on, "you turn left. you turn right. you go straight. so where is my straight foot?"

 

lovely little life.

it might not earn us the parent of the year award, but we finally found the perfect way to get rid of some energy during all these spring showers. couch jumping. pull the mattress from the basement guest bedroom in to the basement living room and the boys will keep themselves busy for hours.

lane took his first official yoga class at a real yoga studio downtown. i expected 30 minutes worth of yoga before he got bored. james gave him 15 minutes. the boy lasted an entire hour - and didn't want to leave the studio when the class was done. he was so proud. so was i.

phase one of the kitchen remodel is (almost) complete. the laundry room has been relocated to the old hall closet. james and i decided to go with front loader washer and dryers stacked on top of each other. james surprised me with the deluxe red version. i'm not sure who likes them more. me or the boys.

my little babe is in full on toddler mode. he's 16 months old now. and in to everything. to be honest, i had kind of forgotten about this stage. it is a good thing he's so cute.

my favorite kind of gifts are those that last a lifetime. rather than fresh cut flowers for mother's day, the boys got me three karl rosenfield peony plants. one from each of them. then they planted them in the yard for me. i'm keeping my fingers crossed i will have some beautiful red peonies to cut and keep on my kitchen table this summer - and for many, many more summers to come.

these little men of mine.

these little men of mine sure are lots of work. they make lots of messes. they make me nuts at least once a day. they make me work harder than i've ever worked at any full-time job.

these little men of mine make me a better person. they make me look at life in a different light. they make me smile every day. all day. even when they are making big messes.

these little men of mine make me do things i never thought i would do. like go to dixie speedway on a saturday night. and love it - just because they love it so much.

these little men of mine send me to bed exhausted every single night. then they make me miss them once the house is quiet and james and i reflect on the day and all the wonderful things they did and said that day.

these little men of mine make the days, weeks, months and years move so quickly. these little men of mine make me cherish every moment of every day. because before i know it these little men of mine won't be so little any more. 

these little men of mine make me grateful for the years i waited for them. they make me realize that i wasn't ready just yet to be a mama. they make me see that i was waiting for them. and, if i had not waited, i wouldn't have the exact boys i have today.

these little men of mine make me proud. proud of them. and proud of myself.

these little men of mine make my life so lovely.

i hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day.

all his little lines.

i've written many times before about lane's lines, as we call them around here. not a day has gone by over the last two years that i haven't found a long line of monster jams or hot wheels arranged neatly across the floor somewhere in my house. i guess i just assumed all little boys precisely arranged their moving vehicles in such an organized manner. 

that's just not the case, as my youngest son is proving. evan much prefers the more typical push, roll and crash method of playing with cars, which is causing my older son much distress.

at night, when i wander the house alone, cleaning up from the day, i'll always smile to myself as i find lane's cars arranged so nicely. no matter how long or short the line. and when the day comes when we pack away his cars, i have to admit, i'll miss all his little lines.

butterflies and babies.

about once a week, james will make a little joke at my expense. we call it the butterflies and babies joke.

it goes like this: i'll be stressing out trying to come up with a plan to get all my workouts in and do all the fun things i want to do with the boys in a week, and james will reply, wow, lana, i wish my life was so complicated. it must be hard to live a life full of butterflies and babies. or, i'll go a little overboard with the target spending one month, and he will remind me that someone in this house works very hard to provide, pay the bills and save for our future by telling me that life is not all just butterflies and babies. (it is his kind way of telling me to cut down on the spending!) or, i'll start daydreaming about adding just one more boy to my lot, and once again, you guessed it, it isn't all just butterflies and babies, lana.

sometimes, i think that's how i portray my life on here too. butterflies and babies. the sun always shines. the boys always play together so nicely. we are always having fun. no one ever yells or loses their cool.

not so much. definitely not today.

lane went to bed way too late. got up way too early. and woke up on the wrong side of the bed. before 10 am, lane had been sent to his room, evan and been hit at least a dozen times, and i was spent.

i yelled at lane. lane yelled at me. i got frustrated with james for no reason. the dogs tracked in mud all over my just cleaned hardwood floors. i kind of wished i could call in and take a personal day.

instead, i put the boys down for early naps and ate a brownie. 

as much as i post pictures of cute little boys standing next to each other glancing out windows, or playing together nicely, or enjoying an evening outside, please know there's plenty of these types of things going on too. less than five minutes after i snapped those pictures of lane and evan staring out the window so contently, i snapped this picture.

the two of them in the backyard, before 8:30 am, getting in a dirt fight because lane wanted the yellow frisbee and evan got it first.

no, it isn't always babies and butterflies.

but it still is a lovely little life.

i am, however, keeping my fingers crossed that lane wakes up in a better mood and am sticking to that 8:30 bedtime tonight.

download dog.

lane's interest in yoga continues.

one day last week, the boys and i were out running errands. just a few miles from home, james called and asked that i keep the boys busy for just a while longer while a delivery was made at the house. not sure what to do with two tired boys, we headed downtown to walk around for a bit.

when we walked pass the yoga studio, lane spotted some students in class through the window. he watched intensely, then quietly asked if we could go inside. we did. the owner nicely gave us a tour. when we came to the room where class was taking place, my boy stared in awe through a window then began copying the students.

as we left, the owner invited us to attend a kids yoga class - even though its for kids ages 5 to 10. we're going to give it a try monday afternoon. i'm excited to see lane practice all his favorite moves with some other students, including his very favorite: download dog.

that spells me.

a few weeks ago, james and i decided to set a few summer learning goals for the boys. since evan's vocabulary grows every week, although i think james and i are the only two who can understand him, we decided to take it easy on the little guy. giggie's summer learning goal: keep learning new words. with hopes that mid summer we can incorporate shape and color recognition.

i set the bar kind of high for lane. or so i thought. lane's summer learning goals: spell his first name. write his first name on his own. count to 20. (we currently go as high as 13 and then have a random mix of teen numbers following.) continue to work on left and right.  learn his address, and hopefully memorize my cell phone number.

a few nights later, james took lane to bed and got a head start on the summer.

first item checked off the list: learn to spell his name. he's got it down. ask him to spell his name, and he will proudly call out L A N E. ask him what L A N E spells, and he will proudly call out, "that spells me!"

marshmallow dream bars.

the boys and i have a serious addiction to marshmallow dream bars and iced green teas from starbucks. i'm the one to blame, i guess. i started picking up the duo as a treat for myself when i was pregnant with lane. in four years time, i've gone from ordering a small drink and one dream bar for myself to ordering a large drink and two dream bars for the three of us.

not a problem if we only indulge every once in a while. however, we've been indulging a lot lately.

that means i've been dropping some serious cash at starbucks. so, i did a little research and discovered i can make my own dream bars quite easily - and spend less money than i do going through the drive-thru once.

first step: send the kids outside with a bowl of marshmallows. this will keep them happy, entertained and from fighting with each other, and getting under your feet, while you prepare the dream bars.

second step: gather ingredients. you will need the following:

rice krispies or generic brand of rice cereal. i use gluten free rice krispies.

mini marshmallows

butter

vanilla extract

third step: prepare the dream bars.

here's the trick. follow the instructions on the cereal box with two additions.

melt three tablespoons butter in large saucepan.

once butter is melted, add a dash of vanilla extract.

add four cups of mini marshmallows to the butter and stir until melted.

remove from heat and add six cups of cereal.

allow the mixture to cool in the pan for just a minute or two.

this would be a good time to check on the children!

once the mixture has cooled slightly, add half a cup (or more if you like) of mini marshmallows to the mixture. the temperature should be cool enough that the mini marshmallows do not melt entirely.

press mixture into pan coated with cooking spray. I prefer to use a smaller size pan and allow for thicker dream bars. 

once they have cooled a little more, cut into bars, enjoy and watch them disappear.

these few were all that remained the morning after i made them.